Saturday, May 27, 2006

Never


If he talks to me, I won't respond. If he comes here, I'll be gone. Never again will I let Nathan run over my life. Never again. If he ever happens to accidently see me in person, he will get hurt--punched and kicked. He will always remain in la la land and out of the picture. I told him no. That is the end of it. I am free from that jerk. Never will I fear him and his presence. Around me, he has no presence. Never again.

Sunday, May 21, 2006

No Escape...


So I went to this career-wide workshop on Friday hoping to get some information I could use on the job. Well, it just so happens that Josh, a friend of Nathan, was also attending that same workshop and sat right next to me. Concealing my horror, I said hello, and he suddenly "noticed" me. We made some nervous small talk, but once the workshop started, we no longer attempted conversation. In fact, we pretty much ignored each other until the day was over and we said our respective goodbyes. The workshop itself was horrible, and with his intrusive presence, I was unable to formulate and ask the vital and yet personal questions I needed answered that are conducive to me keeping my job. So needless to say, my final eval this coming week will be horrendous, and I will be canned. So anyhow Josh inevitably told Nathan, (who's in Cali), all about it as the creep texted me about 'hanging out' with Josh. Don't people have lives? Must they constantly butt into mine?? Can't I be allowed to struggle without being under a microscope? Can't Nathan just mind his own business? All I know is that he will most certainly get what he wants--the knowledge of my demolished life. In the life of a working single woman, there is just no escape from the hostile scrutiny of men.

Friday, May 12, 2006

Keep Away!


He's coming. At the end of next month, he's coming. After telling him to stay away, after warning him with facts from our horrible past--he's coming. What can I do now but run? Or hide? Or move?? What else is there? He won't listen to me. What do I know, right? What are my logical, honest opinions to someone who's entirely alone? I ought to know having learned the hard way, (through Victor), exactly how blind someone can be when they are alone and under the influence of the "quarter-life crisis". That blind urge to find someone to settle down and mate with--yes--I was victim to that. But now I have seen past that, through to the error of my ways. How can I show Nathan his thoughts are just as erroneous? He won't listen to my reasoning from afar. Would him being here and listening to me face to face prove successful? I fear meeting him. I fear what might happen. But yet I feel that I must stand my ground and face him when he comes up if only to save him by finally clarifying the obvious he is temporarily blinded to--that we could never be.