Because he cares...

...I can't help caring deeply about him. Yes--we're still seeing each other. The other night he came over, and then I went back to his place to watch our favorite program--blanket in tow.. It was the first time I felt whole... We just sat there on his couch, cuddling under one of his big blankets, side by side, sharing a recliner--holding each other. I rested my head on his shoulder praying for the gap of years to suddenly be bridged. *Sigh.* He will be 35 in April.....I cannot believe it... Could this be for real? My whole preprogrammed set of mores has been rendered irrelevant, the years melt when we're together. But then I think of my family--those standards cannot be traversed. Never would it work. Then I must tell him to keep away when my parents come to visit. He just says "ok" and holds me, kissing me, smiling. But then, what is it exactly that we have?? Do we have anything at all? Should we? Why did I let this happen? And why, dear god why, am I falling for him? Please, can I press rewind now? Can I take it all back? Something needs to happen, and fast....but I just don't know what that is. Any suggestions? For now, I just try and serve my purpose...to make him happy. I bake for him, I care for him, I keep him company as a faithful devoted companion can. But he needs more... And what he needs, I fear I cannot give him..