What have I done.....

Well, I really did it this time... Boy I just have a tremendously good sense of judgement......at least if I were a rabbit or a squirrel that is! Do you really want to know how it went? Should I really tell you? Well, I guess I have no choice as this site was made for my blunders, right? Alright. So the "dinner date" on Saturday was definitely not what I would have expected it to be. The guy next door, I will call him "Victor" here for confidentiality purposes, asked me first if I wanted to come over and watch movies. Well, of course---I was so lonely I would've watched mud-wrestling with a known nymphomaniac! Unfortunately, he must have picked up on that vibe.. He put in these comic DVDs, and I sat with him (a few feet apart from him) on this really big oblong couch. His apartment wasn't the cleanest, but I wanted to be nice, so I watched and laughed at the most awkward and baudy jokes imaginable. I couldn't even count the number of raunchy sexual jokes that were told, but man was I uncomfortable. So after that, he came back to my place to cook the dinner. I helped him get everything going and work my oven and all. He seemed really polite and nice, and I began to relax. We started joking and laughing, and then I sat down at the table while he checked the steaks. He indirectly asked me my age by trying to guess it. He thought I was 21, but then I told him I was 24. Wow---he replied--all disbelief. Then I decided to ask him how old he was. I would have guessed about 28 maybe. But my guess was off by quite a bit--he said he was 34. Wow--a little old for me--my brain completely dismissed the possibility of anything it had been meditating on before. And of course I could realize that now and just be friends, which wouldn't be a bad thing at all. We were still talking and everything, one moment him standing next to my chair----then before I knew it, he was massaging my shoulders! Oh dear....this is not good I thought...... Yet my body was saying that it wasn't only good, it was grreat... Oh boy... Months of longing and loneliness gave my body powers that were insurmountable to my brain, and so, well, I didn't tell him to stop. Clearly he had the same internal defeat because the massaging turned into holding, caressing, and then......kissing................ Oh, and it gets better. I went back to his apartment after dinner to watch another movie, but we ended up making out and well---getting naked. The next morning he came over to see me again. I was hoping that maybe we could just reconcile that, but I guess that is why I'm a fool because clearly that wasn't going to happen. He grabbed and held me, starting kissing me, and before I knew it we were on my bed... :( It didn't take long for our clothes to suddenly evaporate again and things that someone completely inexperienced in everything like myself couldn't even begin to utter here. But at least my stupidity didn't allow for me to lose my virginity to this guy. Victor wants me though. And I'm cringing to think that I let all of that happen!!!! I'm so stupid.. What the h&*l have I done???? :( Please pray for me--I have no idea how to get out of this one, except maybe if my excessive mode of self-preservation/abstinence could let him know that it's a "dead-end" being with me. Oh pray for me and the absolution of my stupidity! :(