Independence...

Wow---what it feels like to be free....it's so hard to describe... Yes, I do feel lonely on occasion, but I think that now there is a chance that life will cast me in the right direction. If I do find my "prince charming" soon, that would be great. However, if it takes years, decades, or even a life time, so be it. It's not a problem. I will just savor the little things for the time being, keeping my head up toward the future. Anyhow, the aftermath from the miserable break-up with Victor left me feeling desperate. A fear of loneliness consumed me, and instead of getting in the time for exercise I need for myself, I began to obsess over the internet, trying to find some random guy close-by to replace the "void". Little did I realize that the absence of Victor and all men like him was much needed and not a "bad thing" by any means. So, now that I have gained a few pounds of fat from my misery, I shall focus on making myself whole again. I will focus on me--a better, stronger, more healthy, more attractive me. If I am comfortable with myself and confident in who I am, I feel the rest will follow. Wish me luck!

A New Beginning...

I'm officially done with the creep down the hall, and officially done with men for the time being. After the last incident with the "dinner gone wrong", Victor and I hadn't been seeing each other, besides the occasional 'hello' in passing. However, this week he stopped by one night, and we acknowledged that it had been a long time since we got together. We both kind of covered up the truth by putting out the excuse of being "busy". He had a rough day, so I asked him to come in, and had him sit on the bed while a rubbed and scratched his back. We hugged, said goodnight, and things seemed ok. So that night, I baked some cupcakes for the neighbor who'd baked something for me. I made a few extra, (like four), and left them outside Victor's door. Days passed and I didn't hear from him. Then yesterday he saw me as he was coming into the building and said 'hello' with a reluctant air. After going down to the basement to fix my bike, I decided to pay him a visit. The lady upstairs had baked for me again, but it was a few too many cupcakes, so I decided to share a few with Victor. With my four cupcakes behind my back, I knocked on his door. He opened it, looked at me, and said he was going to bed so he didn't have much time to hang out. It was eight o'clock. A little upset by this sudden excuse, I told him that I just came by to say hi, and I showed him the cupcakes. He immediately asked me why I kept bringing over that "fattening shit" (remember that I have baked some stuff for him in the past..). I told him, a little taken aback, that it was the lady upstairs who made them, and I just wanted to share a few with him and if he didn't want them maybe he could bring them to work... Well, then he proceeded to talk about his stress test, high cholesterol, etc., as if he didn't even hear what I had said. At that point I had enough, and just walked away, with him yelling "I was still talking to you!" I'm just so disgusted. The guy smokes----doesn't think of giving that up! Well, HELLO! Smoking causes hardening of the arteries!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dip shit! Whatever. I've had enough. The guy is a jerk, plain and simple. He knows that 4 cupcakes won't kill him. He just wants to be an asshole. A dull, self-centered, womanizing asshole. And guess what? I'm tired of making excuses for him. It's over. If he doesn't want to talk to me, he need not worry for the opportunity won't be there. If he doesn't want me to care about him or acknowledge him, then so be it. I won't. If he ever changes his mind, that's too bad for his wish has already been granted! I'm through with him. And now I'm looking forward to spring and new beginnings!!